Samhain – New Year

October 31st is the New Year for the pagan calendar.  In the month or so prior I have done some reflecting on my self and my last year, as well as my life.  There’s always room for improvement or maybe at least moving forward from a place that feels stagnant or destructive.

I have always had a self confidence deficiency, for as long as I can remember anyway.

• I’m not sure where it stems from, perhaps my shyness and stage fright feeds into that.  Some maybe find this hard to believe from me because I do fake it till I make it pretty well in that my shy, low confidence/esteem level is often shoved away to allow me to function in society a bit better.  It would be super easy for me to hide away from everyone and everything instead.
• I often laugh in awkward situations and find myself horrified at the thought of making a mistake to the point of not being able to watch others do so even intentionally in movies or t.v.  I have to turn away or close my eyes on behalf of their embarrassment.
• I have a tendency to say or do things without thinking them through which doesn’t help my self confidence because often it is inappropriate or not timely.
• Not having a job also feeds the lack of confidence and my resume is such a mess because of all the moving around over the last 25 years in addition to the fact that I don’t have any technical skill that’s certified or backed by a diploma.  Self taught administrator is hard to sell in the clerical world, add to that I will be moving in a couple of years again.  Employers like to see at least an AA degree and I know that inflating your resume is common and honestly needed but I just have a hard time stating proficiency in anything when I don’t have a certification of training or degree to back it up.

So, for the sharing portion of what will be focused on this year in the self-improvement sector I’m hoping to build on my confidence and work on being more graceful in my actions and awkwardness.  By Spring I hope to have a good plan of action for possibly getting certified or working on a degree of some kind, figuring out my strengths and working on how to sell them.

On the farmers almanac side of the wheel of the year I will be starting to plan for the Spring planting season in the more straight forward sense.  We have a few balcony planters here as well as a small patch of earth that’s wanting something done with it.  We have serious balcony and patio envy here.  So many in the area have beautiful flowers and greenery that I’m almost embarrassed that we haven’t done anything with ours yet.

For the celebration of the turning of the year I always cook up something rustic and as homemade as I can.  October 31st I made baked spice rubbed cockerel (young rooster) with a limoncello, honey and butter sauce, sage dressing and baked sweet potato.  Ritually, I burned sage throughout the house, left a plate for the ancestors if any chose to visit and reflected.  I asked the Gods for the well-being of loved ones and the patience and stability to handle the issues that come my way.  Oh and I watched a really scary movie that gets me every time.  haha  The Conjuring.  Because… Halloween.

In my reflection it became obvious that I need to set up my space better.  Right now I have my little corner in the bedroom but my husband goes to bed so early that I have to haul things out early instead of having a set up place to sit.

Time to settle in more here.  Plants and my space.