Over What Hill?

Well it’s finally happened, I turned 40 a couple of days ago and I’m conflicted.  Part of me is feeling like an old girl and part of me rebels and says NO I’m NOT old!

Lots of strange thoughts and feeling floating about today.

I will admit getting married before turning 40 was a great feeling, not that doing so after 40 is necessarily bad but it’s one of those milestone things I worked out when I was a naive teenager that I’d have my life sorted out before turning 40 – if I got to 40.  There are no kids but that’s been my choice really, when it comes down to it I don’t have a need to bare children so didn’t push for it and am perfectly happy without a baby.

Truth is most of all I just miss my brother a lot right now.  He should have been celebrating with me every year until we grow old, that’s how I always thought it would be anyway.  Now I just am left with memories of him.  I want to hear his voice again and see his silly face.

One of my best and oldest friends called me to wish me a happy birthday and the first thing she said was, can you believe we’re 40?!?  My reaction was to tell her to shut up and remind her she’s not yet 40.  hrmph! bitch =P

My mother sent a card basically saying hope the second half of your life is even better.  Second half?  Does she think I’ll live till 80?  Not likely.  I’ve always had a feeling I would not grow old, sadly this is one of the guilt things that plagues me with my brother’s untimely death.  Was supposed to me that goes early not him.

What comes after 40 for a woman as a milestone?  Menopause?  There’s something to look forward to.

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