The Guilt Trip Fail

Growing up I knew I had Godparents only because once a year I was told to sign a card my Mother put in front of me wishing them a Merry Christmas.   Otherwise, I knew no contact by them until a very surprising gift showed up for me on my graduation from High School, a set of pearl earrings and necklace.  This gift was wonderful, I actually had REAL pearls!  Ok they were cultured but still real. =)  But I had no real idea who sent it.

At some point in my young adult life, I think it was when I went with my Mother to California for her Stepfather’s funeral, we stopped at my Godparent’s house outside San Diego to finally meet them visit.  This was back in 1989-ish I believe, we spent a few hours there.

Except for the annual Christmas Card that I still send and they sometimes return one to me, there has been zero contact, even when my brother died I didn’t hear from them…  Wait…until I moved to San Diego a few months later with my then boyfriend, now husband.  All of a sudden, I had a call on my cell phone from some lady claiming to be my Aunt Pat.  Who?

Aunt Pat turned out to be my Godmother who heard via my Mother that I had moved to San Diego and now she wanted to get together and oh why hadn’t I called to let her know I was there?  Really?  It never occurred to me if I’m totally honest.  So, a few calls now and then from her and we never worked out meeting up, then the boyfriend got new orders and we were off to Virginia.  Didn’t hear from her while in Virginia.  A couple of years later we returned to San Diego for another tour but not long after moving back the boyfriend and I broke up and I moved to Oregon.  Hadn’t heard from her, but I was hearing from my Mother that her husband (my Godfather) was not doing well and died while I was in Oregon.  Now, I was a right mess trying to gather myself enough to somehow live without the man I loved so no I didn’t offer condolences to my barely there Godmother.  I was working on breathing every day.

Now I’m back in San Diego and the boyfriend has turned into the husband after we made up and had a quick, spontaneous wedding in Vegas.  I got a call recently from my Dad saying Mom talked to Pat and mentioned we had gotten married and she was all upset because I didn’t announce it to her.  Really?  WTF?

So, I called her and got a rash of why didn’t you let me know and did you know Steve passed away, you know, your Godfather?  My first reaction, which I stifled, was fuck off.  Where the hell was she the last 35 years of my life?  When I was in a deep pit after my brother died?  Where were my Godparents then?  When I needed consoling and guidance from elders in my life to cope with it?

Well, I just got off the phone with her and we are meeting for lunch tomorrow.  I’m not holding back if she starts with trying to make me feel bad for not letting her know things going on in my life or for not being moved with Steve died.  If she starts, I’m laying into her.  Where have you been lady?  What does being a Godparent mean to you anyway?  Am I only contactable when I’m in the same city as you?

I’m in a slow rage about this at the moment.  Not enough to really get upset but just irritated that this is something to deal with while I am so caught up and busy with getting ready to move overseas AND planning a party.  I want this time in my life to be sparkly and shiny, happy and joyful.  This fail Godparent isn’t going to ruin my time.  I will be considerate and cordial with her out of respect for her station in my Mother’s life, that’s about it.

Maybe I’ll blog tomorrow about how lunch goes. =)

One thought on “The Guilt Trip Fail

  1. Pingback: The Guilt Trip Lunch | Life Notes

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