On May 1st, 2014 it will officially be one year at this job, definitely doesn’t feel like it has been that long most of the time.
Mostly, I very much like the job and the coworkers and the boss-lady. Mostly, I truly enjoy the actual work and the people we interact with daily. The hours and pay are great, really can’t complain at all about either. The work environment is pretty good, though I wish the base supported it a bit more with cleanliness but cut backs ya know.
The boss-lady asked me to think about what I have excelled in, what I can improve on for my annual evaluation next week. This is the first job in a VERY long time that I have been on such a schedule with clocking in and out every day, submitting time sheets and doing evaluations. Previous jobs were more relaxed but being this is a contract they have to be very exact about things I suppose.
What do I excel in? This is so hard for me to determine…I don’t like analyzing myself and more than that I have a difficult time complimenting myself so finding anything I excel in is difficult for me to admit. Everything can be improved on. What’s the right answer to this question really?
What can I improve on? Attention to detail. It is a sad truth that the one thing I used to have mad skills in was attention to detail and focus yet this is now the one thing I need to work on. What happened to my skill? A previous employer killed it. I was micro-managed to the point of it creating self-doubt and losing all of my self-confidence. Everything I did was done correctly but it was not done as she or he would do it so had to be altered. Since then my brain seems to have taken leave. My memory has taken a hit, my organization has taken a big dump and my attention to detail suffered an untimely demise.
Somehow I need to resurrect these parts of myself and breathe new life into my working self or I may not get a great reference from my current employer when it’s time to leave. I’m not so concerned about being fired because it’s a contract position and would take a big deal I think to be let go, maybe this is part of my psychological issue of not focusing as much as I should be.
There remains pride in my work which makes me believe I can regain the work skills that were stripped away. When I make a mistake it hits hard and often will take some time for me to accept that I blew it.
Time to re-focus and give this job the energy it deserves.
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Time to give myself the energy and focus I deserve too. I had goals when we moved here and have not moved towards them. Learning Japanese, finding a hobby I enjoy that has nothing to do with anyone else, studying Shinto, meditation, keeping house better (its not a wreck but I could be better at this), reading more. It’s time to get motivated for these and for getting the lazy hermit tendencies out of my world.
My personal weakness is lack of follow through. Time to put ideas into action and see them through.
Life Notes 
I love your goal of finding a hobby that no one else is involved with– it’s a good idea. It gives you something that is yours.
I hope your evaluation went well (if it’s already happened?) It can be weird to talk yourself up– it’s kind of like a job interview. I find it helps me to sort of separate my real identity with my work one, at least in the formal situations, and then I just rehearse what I’ll say. Awkward, but true. The work world is often such a farce and dance, you have to play along sometimes I think. Good luck with all!
Thanks, we’ll see how the hobby thing goes. Will delve into that after my friend visits.
The evaluation was fine, I just told her what I know I’m comfortable doing and what I know I need to work on and she agreed. Then printed out a formatted eval which was mixed with excels and satisfactories and that was all.
The truth of it is part of me really loves the work, the coworkers and working in general and another part of me wouldn’t mind being let go so I can explore Japan more but the money would be tighter so meh, I keep the job … for now. 😛
I’ve never been straight up fired so it would be a new experience I don’t really want to have. I was once not signed on after a 2 week trial period but don’t consider that a fire 😉